Internalized Misogyny: What it is and how it works

You can find the sources for this text on the second page of the post.

When I was a little girl I loved pink and horses. I played with Barbies. And when my sister and I reenacted “The Famous Five” by Enid Blyton I was always Anne, not George. I was into the kind of stuff that is usually considered to be girly or feminine.

However, that changed when I grew older. I started to reject pink. I never wore make up. I began to look down on stereotypical “girly” stuff such as cheesy romcoms or pop music. I was proud to be a “smart girl” and was very competitive towards other “smart girls”.

It was not until after my teenage years that I reevaluated those admittedly stuck-up views and eventually became more comfortable with myself and my own personal construction of femininity. Now I wear make up when I feel like it. This year I even bought myself a pink sweater – the first pink item of clothing that I picked since my childhood – simply because I like its fit. It feels comfortable.

So, what had changed in between those years as I grew older? My theory: I recognize that femininity is whatever I make of it. I don’t feel the need to construct my identity against the backdrop of a clichéd femininity anymore. And more importantly, I don’t devalue other women for embracing things that fit within this traditional stereotype of femininity and girly-ness.

You might wonder why I’m telling you all that. The thing is until a few years ago I had no explanation for why I thought and acted that way except for, well, puberty and that one is rather unsatisfactory. Now I know that the reason behind these thoughts and behaviour is a simple one: Internalized Misogyny.

What is Internalized Misogyny?

Misogyny, as many of you probably already know, describes an attitude of hatred, disdain and prejudice towards women and girls. It is a form of sexism against females that is widely spread throughout our societies. Misogyny can have many expressions depending on the context such as the gender pay gap, slut shaming or the devaluation of typically female occupations such as nurses, influencers or cleaners.

In their article “Girls, Women and Internalized Sexism” the psychologists Marielle Amrhein and Steve Bearman explain that sexism occurs on three different levels: The institutionalized; the interpersonal and the internalized. Internalized misogyny describes the phenomenon when women and girls have (subconsciously) adopted a misogynistic attitude and project sexist ideas onto other females and themselves. Just like other forms of misogyny internalized misogyny is constantly reproduced and reconstructed in our societies.

While the psychologists use the term sexism to describe internalized misogyny, I decided to use the latter to underline that I’m referring to the oppression females have internalized against themselves and not about discrimination towards men or other genders.

This concept of internalized misogyny might sound rather abstract at first. Why should someone have an attitude of contempt or prejudice towards themselves or others in their group, right? But internalized misogyny has many faces. For example:

• Considering “You’re not like other women” to be a compliment
• Devaluing typically feminine things such as make up, pink, care work, fashion, romcoms or paying attention to one’s looks in general
• Seeing other (successful) women in your field, workplace or class as competition not as allies
• Slut shaming yourself or other women for how you/they dress or behave

So, how do we internalize misogyny?

Internalized misogyny is something we adopt almost naturally when we grow up. It is one thread in the big patriarchal fabric of society. We are born into this world without any knowledge of what gender is, which genders exist and why some are less privileged than others. So we learn by imitating those around us, our parents, our siblings, our kindergarten teachers. And we learn through gender role conditioning.

Gender roles are the shared ideas a society has of what women, men and others are. They encompass how we are supposed to be and how we are not supposed to be according to the images and narratives that are circulating in our society. For example: Women are supposed to be sensitive, helping and thin. They are not supposed to be: Selfish, noisy or too sexual. These gender stereotypes and gender role expectations have a huge impact on the development of children and teenagers.

Gender role conditioning is one way through which gender roles are adopted and it is a very subtle process. It consists of all the big and small, positive and negative sanctions you might experience in your daily life. That might sound a bit abstract but gender roles conditioning is reflected in all the disapproving stares, the warm words or the shaming when you do something that is considered wrong or right. For example: When it’s the older sister (and not the brother) who is automatically expected to look after her younger siblings. Or when little boys are told not to cry because they are strong and “boys don’t cry”.

By adopting gender roles we also adopt sexism and sexist ideas of what men, women and others are supposed to be. Although these gender roles are limiting for all genders not all are affected equally by sexism. The learned stereotypes of what women are supposed to be encourage their oppression and misogyny, including internalized misogyny.

The practices of internalized misogyny

The psychologists Amrhein and Bearman have identified six different practices of internalized misogyny, six different ways in which this internalized oppression impacts women’s lives and perceptions. They argue that “[o]nce we understand all the practices of internalized sexism (…) we can consider better alternatives, ways of acting outside the oppression” (Amrhein & Bearman, 199). 

1. Powerlessness

Women believe that they are less powerful, less capable and more limited than they actually are. Through an unequal distribution of power and stereotypical gender roles women are discouraged from pursuing certain goals and ambitions. Furthermore, gender role conditioning encourages them to be more passive or submissive.

For example: Girls might not pursue careers or positions are supposedly unattainable to them. Or learned passivity and submission might stop a woman from saying no or leave a situation she doesn’t feel comfortable in.

2. Objectification

Women learn to perceive themselves as bodies. Due to constant objectification in society women begin to objectify themselves in the pursuit of (often unrealistic) ideals in order to fulfil the demands of a patriarchal and sexist society. This factor also intersects with other forms of discrimination as racism, ageism or fat-shaming.

For example: When a woman’s self-image heavily relies on her body image and what she looks like.

3. Loss of self

Women (subconsciously) put their own needs, desires or wishes behind. Females learn to take care of others, especially their family, and prioritize their needs while sacrificing their own.

For example: A woman might feel pressured to sexually please her partner although she does not want to or does not expect pleasure herself.

4. Invalidation

Women do not validate their own perceptions, thoughts and feelings (or those of other women), especially when they do not fit with male standards. Sexism encourages females to invalidate their experiences, to be silent and mistrust their own judgment.

For example: When a fairly emancipated woman does not validate other women’s life choices because they appear less liberated.

5. Derogation

Women employ critique to police others or themselves when deviating from the prescribed gender role. Females use derogatory terms to describe other women when they stray from social expectations, such as bitch, crazy or prude.

For example: When women slut shame another woman for being too sexual or promiscuous.

6. Competition between women

Women compete with other women because there is a lack of resources for them due to structural sexism. Amrhein and Bearman describe this competition within an oppressed group as “one of the fundamental manifestations of internalized oppression” (p. 218).

For example: When a woman sees her female colleague as a competitor rather than an ally in a male-dominated work environment.

For a more elaborate explanation of these practices see Amrhein & Bearman.

Understanding is the first step

If you’re a woman and you never thought about this before, it might be a bit overwhelming to realize how internalized misogyny shapes or shaped your opinions and behaviour; how it affects you just as much as the experience of structural sexism in your everyday life. (And if you’re someone of another gender reading this, you might ask yourself, what can I do to support women?)

You might be like me thinking back to those times when you looked down on “girly stuff” because society considers it shallow. You might think back to those times when you in an act of self sacrifice neglected your own needs or desires to take of other’s needs first. Or you might wonder how self-objectification has shaped the relationship you have with your body.

You might feel ashamed or guilty. But there’s no need for that. We all make mistakes, we’ve all adopted patriarchal ideas of the societies we live in and finally, we all have the chance to learn and to do better. Understanding how internalized misogyny affects you and the women around you is the first step to dismantling it. Understanding how it works is the first step to work against it and to become an ally to yourself and other women.

Stay tuned for next week!

In my next post I’ll be talking to you about the alternative strategies the psychologists Amrhein and Bearman have found to replace these practices of internalized sexism. And I’ll explain how they might help us beat our own internalized misogyny.

If you liked this post, feel free to leave a comment or share it with your friends or other people who should really read it. It would mean a lot to me.

What experiences have you made with internalized misogyny?